Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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