Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
