i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize