So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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