He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
