somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
