you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
