What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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