watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize