well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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