i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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