your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
