He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
