Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
