i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
