I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
