R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize