do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
