I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
