you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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