walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
