dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
