don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
