I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
