thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
