I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
