Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
