there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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