their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
