from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
