yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
