I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
