her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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