He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
