why didn't you poke me back
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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