I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
