sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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