so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
