What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize