I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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