You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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