plz talk dirty to me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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