I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
