So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
