Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Randomize
