i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
