Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
