Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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