Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
