i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize