found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just want nice things and good sex
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
