Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
