im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
