Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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