just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
