Apparently you make a good broom.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
