We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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