the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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