Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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