That's intense
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
