This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
