Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
