Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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