I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
