i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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