Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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