sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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