He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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