Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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