Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
