yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
