i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
