my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
